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A blind man interviews for a job as a quality controller at the local wood mill. The manager calls the blind man into his office and asks him how he expects to do this job since he is blind. The blind man replied he would do it by smell.

The manager decides to test him and places a piece of wood in front of him.

The manager asks, “What is it without touching it?”

The blind man replies, “That’s a good piece of fir.”

“Correct,” says the manager, “now try this one.”

“That’s a bad piece of willow,” says the blind man.

“Correct,” answers the manager. With that, the manager decides to play a trick on the blind man. He gets his secretary to lift up her dress and put her crotch in the blind mans face.

“I’m confused,” says the blind man, “Can you turn it around?”

The secretary turns around and puts her ass in his face.

The blind man says, “Oh, you’re trying to fool me! But I know exactly what kind of wood that is. It’s the bathroom door off a tuna boat!”

There was this man who was down on his luck and felt he needed a few drinks. He went to this bar and drank several drinks, when he was done he stood up and walked toward the door. The bartender shouted at the man, “Hey mister, are you going to pay for those drinks?”

The man looked back at the bartender and replied “I already paid you,” then walked out the bar. Almost immediately he saw one of his friends and told him about the bartender, “Just go in there and drink all you want then get up and leave, When the bartender asks you to pay the tab, just tell him you already did.”

This sounded easy enough so he went in and had several drinks, The bartender went to him and said, “Before you came in, another man was here before you, when I asked him to pay his tab he told me he already did, but I don’t remember him paying me.”

The man replied, “I would love to stay and here your story but I don’t have time, can I have my change please?”

Man walks up to bank teller and says “I wanna open a damn savings account” Teller says “that’s fine sir, but you dont have to use profanity”, to which the man replies, “just let me have a goddamn savings accout.”

“Sir, the teller says, that type of language will not be tolerated here, perhaps you should speak to my boss.” “FINE, says the man, get the son of a bitch.”

The teller’s boss comes over and says, “what seems to be the problem?” The man says,”I just won 5 million in the lottery, and all I want to do is open a goddamn savings account.” and the boss says, “And this Bitch wont help you?”